This Is Just Fantasy
by marauderette-47
Summary: It wasn't supposed to end like this. He wasn't supposed to be dying. He was supposed to be with Rachel, enjoying life and starting a future worth living for with the girl he loved. Inspired by the eye-contact Jesse made with Rachel during S1 Regionals. Song was the only way he could think of to tell her that he didn't have much time left.


**This Is Just Fantasy**

**By: marauderette-47**

**Disclaimer: I don't own glee or Bohemian Rhapsody:/**

**A/N: Just a sad little thought that popped into my head. It made me cry:'( Please review!**

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_I'm just a poor boy. I need no sympathy. Cause I'm easy come, easy go. Little high, little low. Any way the wind blows doesn't really matter to me. To me._

Jesse St. James would never again have such emotional depth during a performance. He knew that when the lights dimmed and reality set in once again, all he would recieve would be praise from Shelby. It would partly be because she felt bad for him, but it would also be because he had done such an amazing job. The rest of Vocal Adrenaline would congratulate him on another brilliant performance back in the green room, and he would smile cockily and nod his head at each one of them.

And then he would venture out into the hallway. He would tell everyone that it was to get a drink of water, but really, he would just hope for a chance to see _her_.

_Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth._

If he was lucky, she would be there. She would look so damn beautiful - just as she had while performing. She would give him a sad, heart-breaking look as he passed her, and he would stop her, perhaps congratulating her on a job well done. She would scoff at him, and come back with a retort that would be meant to hurt his ego.

"Thanks," she might say. "That means so much coming from _yo__u_, St. James."

Her temper would be cute - it always had been. He would give her a dazzling smile that would take her breath away, and her resolve would falter for a moment. She would unintentionally gravitate towards him, like magnets, and - if luck was on his side - she would fall into his arms.

"Jesse," she might cry out. "Why? Why did you do that to me?"

Jesse would feel something in his soul that he rarely ever felt - pangs of guilt and regret. He would swallow back tears, and apologize profusely to the girl that he had never meant to fall in love with, but who now had his heart.

"I'm so sorry, Rachel." he would say. "Please, forgive me, I can't live without you."

Always one for dramatics, Rachel might yell at him for a little while longer, but she would forgive him. It was inevitable. And then she would bat her eyelashes at him, and ask how he had been so spectacular onstage.

"You were amazing!" she might beam. "How did you do so well, Jesse?"

And then he would tell her the truth - how it was his own, personal goodbye to her.

"What do you mean?" she would ask, wrinkling her eyebrows in confusion. It would make her look so innocent, and Jesse's heart would melt.

"I'm sick," he would admit to her, pulling her close. He would bury his face in her hair to stifle the cries, but she would make no move to hide her own sobs. Jesse would continue to explain his condition to her - how they thought he would be okay, but how he had stopped responding to treatments and they didn't know how much longer he had left. Rachel would latch onto him tightly, swearing to never let him go.

_I don't wanna die. Sometimes wish I'd never been born at all._

"Don't cry for _me_, Argentina." he would joke to try to lighten the mood. Rachel wouldn't think it was funny, and she might swat his arm. And he would laugh, because he realized when they first diagnosed him that wallowing in self pity sure would be a waste of life.

"Jesse, please!" she would scream. "Please, tell me you're lying! Don't leave me, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me! Please!"

It would make Jesse feel good that he was so wanted - but he knew that Rachel's pleas would do nothing for him. He was going to die...there was no way around that. But he would make absolutely sure that every moment of the rest of his life was spent in the arms of the woman he loved. He would tell Rachel this, causing her to cry harder, and Jesse would comfort her. He would lead her outside to his car, and they would go somewhere far away, where they would never have to deal with another trouble again. They would be together, they would be free.

_Anyone can see. Nothing really matters - nothing really matters to me._

Onstage, Jesse makes eye contact with Rachel in the crowd. She looks more hurt than Jesse has ever seen her - and he snaps out of his fantasy, and focuses on the reality. The reality that Rachel _doesn't _need him so badly, and the reality that he _is _going to die and she'll probably never know how much he regrets what he did to her. He finishes the number, completely winded, and goes backstage with the rest of Vocal Adrenaline. He feels dizzy - his head feels as high as the clouds. Deciding that some fresh air would be best, Jesse steps outside for a moment - and he sees her. She's standing roughly ten feet to his left, arms crossed and lower lip jutted out. Jesse calls to her, and when he does, everything happens very fast. His legs give out and he falls, causing Rachel to let out a blood-curdling screech. She runs to him, and gathers what's left of the broken boy in her arms.

"Jesse!" she sobs. Jesse makes no move to assure Rachel that he can hear her every word - he's lost the energy to speak. "Jesse, please, wake up! Come on, wake up!" Rachel shakes Jesse, but again gets no response. She begins to cry, and Jesse wonders if maybe she _does _need him. He tries to apologize, but all that can escape from his lips is a tortured moan, and Rachel begins to cry harder. "Help!" she calls. "Please, somebody, help!" But no one comes.

"R-Rachel," Jesse forces out. If this is really it, if this is really the end, he _has _to muster the strength to tell her this. "I-I'm sorry. I love you."

And then, the pain stops - at least for Jesse.

_Any way the wind blows._

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**In case you were confused, the first part with the 'would's and 'might's takes place while Jesse is onstage. The lyrics in italics is what he is singing, and he is fantasizing about how he would tell Rachel he is sick. Once he is done performing, he sees Rachel outside, collapses, and dies in her arms. So...yeah. Pretty depressing. If you read it, please review!**

**IF YOU LIKED THIS - you'll love my MUCH happier St. Berry multi-chap story:D It picks up right where Season 3 left off, and will include St. Berry, obviously, and Shelby getting some sense in her head and being the mother that Rachel always needed:) If you have time, check it out!**


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